{"id":606,"date":"2014-12-02T01:27:57","date_gmt":"2014-12-02T01:27:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/?page_id=606"},"modified":"2014-12-02T01:27:57","modified_gmt":"2014-12-02T01:27:57","slug":"queen-bees-and-wannabes-book-review","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/?page_id=606","title":{"rendered":"Queen Bees and Wannabes – Book Review"},"content":{"rendered":"

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

By Rosalind Wiseman (2002)<\/p>\n

Am I unfair to call commentators who raise concerns about adolescent girls phobic? \u201cI\u2019m not accusing girls of being bad people,\u201d insists Rosalind Wiseman, who, after all, runs a program for girls called Empower, on page 16 of her popular 2002 book, Queen Bees and Wannabees<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Well, let\u2019s look at the words Wiseman used to describe girls on the first 15 pages: \u201cconfused,\u201d \u201cinsecure,\u201d \u201clashing out,\u201d \u201ctotally obnoxious,\u201d \u201cmoody,\u201d \u201ccruel,\u201d \u201csneaky,\u201d characterized by \u201ccompetition with\u201d and \u201cjudgment of each other,\u201d ruled by \u201csocial hierarchies\u201d that are \u201cpainfully reinforced,\u201d \u201clying,\u201d \u201cmean,\u201d \u201cexclusive,\u201d \u201ccatty,\u201d and \u201cpulling a fast one\u201d if they tell parents they \u201cdon\u2019t drink or do drugs.\u201d (The very few positives are described either as fleeting or as vanished qualities of the \u201csweet\u201d preteen girl obliterated by adolescence.)<\/p>\n

Imagine, now, that Wiseman had written a book about any other group in society\u2014say, Jews\u2014and filled the introduction with such sweeping name-calling and negatives. What would we call that?<\/p>\n

Go a step further\u2014how does Wiseman characterize grownups, especially parents? You find none of the disparaging terms applied to girls. \u201cGirl world and Planet Parent\u201d are \u201ctwo fiefdoms with different languages and rules,\u201d Wiseman declares; \u201cgirl world\u201d=bad; \u201cparent world\u201d=good. Really? Adult and parent worlds have no meanness, hierarchies, competition, moodiness, cruelty, judgment, drinking, drugs, lying, or other bad qualities? Not in the unreal, rarified galaxy Wiseman and others who write books on parenting teens seem to inhabit. Nowhere does the eye-opening notion that high school is NOT a separate \u201cfiefdom,\u201d but an uncannily accurate training ground for the grownup fiefdom the parents occupy and reinforce, intrude.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything in this book comes from what girls have told me over the last ten years I\u2019ve been teaching,\u201d Wiseman says. This baffles me. I worked with teens, including girls, for an equal number of years, directly in family, community, and wilderness programs. I and co-workers certainly heard many of the same complaints about school hierarchies and mean peers Wiseman reports, but I heard plenty more\u2014about parents and parents\u2019 partners who were suicidal, drug and alcohol abusers, violent, sexually abusive, felonious, imprisoned, verbally and emotionally sadistic, disappearing, divorced, and just plain messed up. The cruelties, hierarchy enforcements, and harassments were inflicted not just by peers, but by teachers, coaches, principals, and parents. None of these issues so crucial to many girls\u2019 lives appear in Wiseman\u2019s book, or in other youth-bashing works, except in occasional lists. She only blames peers and the media for girls\u2019 problems. Parents, at worst, merely contribute to daughters\u2019 problems by being na\u00efve, baffled, and overly trusting, innocently unaware of teen and pop-culture evils.<\/p>\n

But more than the negatives, I heard and saw far more positives. Girls are wonderfully diverse. It is simply a lie that girl worlds today are dominated by misery, meanness, drunkenness, moodiness, suicide, and mental illness. I heard girls in large majorities describe and display far more warm, happy friendships, school and peer experiences, exciting opportunities, enjoyable and affirming media and popular cultures\u2014and yes, good relationships with parents.<\/p>\n

But what I personally heard and saw and chose to remember is not what I rely on here. Unlike most teen-bashing authors, I don\u2019t flatter myself as possessing the universal mind or observational skills necessary to claim that \u201cwhat I saw\u201d and \u201cwhat girls told me\u201d constitute the sum of all experience. If statements are to be made about girls in general, then general measures sufficient to make them must be marshaled. Massive studies and surveys of thousands of girls\u2014in which girls are allowed to speak for themselves rather than secondhand, through the selected, filtered, always gloomy voices of the girlphobes\u2014document the more positive lives of young women today.<\/p>\n

What do girls themselves\u2014when scientifically sampled, rather than the ones chosen to uphold adult prejudices\u2014say about their lives?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Table 7. But don\u2019t girls say they\u2019re more depressed, <\/strong><\/p>\n

scared, peer-tortured, alienated, and selfish today? NO!<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

Percentages of high school senior females telling Monitoring the Future:<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Question:<\/td>\n1975\/76<\/td>\n1980<\/td>\n1990<\/td>\n2000<\/td>\n2005<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Happiness<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m \u201cvery happy\u201d<\/td>\n21%<\/td>\n18%<\/td>\n18%<\/td>\n23%<\/td>\n23%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Satisfied with life as a whole<\/td>\n63%<\/td>\n66%<\/td>\n65%<\/td>\n64%<\/td>\n66%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Having fun<\/td>\n64%<\/td>\n67%<\/td>\n68%<\/td>\n65%<\/td>\n66%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Enjoys fast pace and changes of today\u2019s world<\/td>\n45%<\/td>\n42%<\/td>\n58%<\/td>\n56%<\/td>\n50%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Daily participation in active sports\/exercising<\/td>\n36%<\/td>\n38%<\/td>\n34%<\/td>\n35%<\/td>\n36%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Are you satisfied with (percent agreeing)\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Yourself?<\/td>\n66%<\/td>\n71%<\/td>\n69%<\/td>\n71%<\/td>\n70%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Your friends?<\/td>\n85%<\/td>\n85%<\/td>\n87%<\/td>\n83%<\/td>\n86%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Your parents?<\/td>\n65%<\/td>\n69%<\/td>\n65%<\/td>\n68%<\/td>\n67%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Your material possessions?<\/td>\n75%<\/td>\n75%<\/td>\n71%<\/td>\n73%<\/td>\n75%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Your personal safety?<\/td>\n68%<\/td>\n67%<\/td>\n66%<\/td>\n69%<\/td>\n71%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Your education?<\/td>\n56%<\/td>\n64%<\/td>\n64%<\/td>\n64%<\/td>\n70%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Your job?<\/td>\n56%<\/td>\n54%<\/td>\n60%<\/td>\n56%<\/td>\n60%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Takes positive attitude toward self<\/td>\n81%<\/td>\n83%<\/td>\n73%<\/td>\n82%<\/td>\n75%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Feels \u201cI am a person of worth\u201d<\/td>\n88%<\/td>\n88%<\/td>\n85%<\/td>\n81%<\/td>\n81%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Feels \u201cI can do things as well as most people\u201d<\/td>\n89%<\/td>\n92%<\/td>\n89%<\/td>\n89%<\/td>\n87%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Feels person \u201cis master of own fate\u201d<\/td>\n68%<\/td>\n68%<\/td>\n70%<\/td>\n68%<\/td>\n63%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Values (percent agreeing)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Important to be a leader in my community<\/td>\n19%<\/td>\n20%<\/td>\n33%<\/td>\n40%<\/td>\n46%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Important to make a contribution to society<\/td>\n55%<\/td>\n52%<\/td>\n62%<\/td>\n65%<\/td>\n70%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Important to have latest music, etc. fashions<\/td>\n77%<\/td>\n78%<\/td>\n70%<\/td>\n59%<\/td>\n51%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Important to have latest-style clothes<\/td>\n42%<\/td>\n47%<\/td>\n57%<\/td>\n42%<\/td>\n39%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Wants to have lots of money<\/td>\n35%<\/td>\n41%<\/td>\n63%<\/td>\n57%<\/td>\n59%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Wants job with status and prestige<\/td>\n52%<\/td>\n60%<\/td>\n69%<\/td>\n65%<\/td>\n67%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Wants job which provides lots of money<\/td>\n84%<\/td>\n89%<\/td>\n86%<\/td>\n86%<\/td>\n86%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Wants job with opportunity to help others<\/td>\n92%<\/td>\n91%<\/td>\n92%<\/td>\n88%<\/td>\n90%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Women should have equal job opportunity<\/td>\n82%<\/td>\n88%<\/td>\n96%<\/td>\n97%<\/td>\n95%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Wants to correct social\/economic inequality<\/td>\n37%<\/td>\n35%<\/td>\n44%<\/td>\n39%<\/td>\n39%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Happier to accept things than create change<\/td>\n37%<\/td>\n39%<\/td>\n36%<\/td>\n39%<\/td>\n35%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Depression\/pessimism<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Dissatisfied with self<\/td>\n12%<\/td>\n10%<\/td>\n13%<\/td>\n10%<\/td>\n12%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Sometimes thinks \u201cI am no good at all\u201d<\/td>\n28%<\/td>\n27%<\/td>\n28%<\/td>\n25%<\/td>\n24%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m \u201cnot too happy\u201d<\/td>\n13%<\/td>\n17%<\/td>\n12%<\/td>\n14%<\/td>\n13%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Feels I am \u201cnot a person of worth\u201d<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n6%<\/td>\n7%<\/td>\n8%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Often feels \u201cleft out of things\u201d<\/td>\n33%<\/td>\n34%<\/td>\n36%<\/td>\n34%<\/td>\n29%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Feels there\u2019s usually no one I can talk to<\/td>\n6%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n6%<\/td>\n6%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Feels \u201cI can\u2019t do anything right\u201d<\/td>\n10%<\/td>\n11%<\/td>\n12%<\/td>\n14%<\/td>\n14%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Wishes \u201cI had more good friends\u201d<\/td>\n50%<\/td>\n46%<\/td>\n50%<\/td>\n52%<\/td>\n44%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Not having fun<\/td>\n19%<\/td>\n13%<\/td>\n16%<\/td>\n20%<\/td>\n17%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Can\u2019t get ahead because others stop me<\/td>\n22%<\/td>\n21%<\/td>\n26%<\/td>\n26%<\/td>\n20%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Thinks \u201cthings change too quickly\u201d today<\/td>\n54%<\/td>\n56%<\/td>\n44%<\/td>\n44%<\/td>\n46%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Thinks \u201ctimes ahead of me will be tougher\u201d<\/td>\n47%<\/td>\n54%<\/td>\n45%<\/td>\n42%<\/td>\n41%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t participate in sports\/exercise (<1\/month)<\/td>\n22%<\/td>\n20%<\/td>\n25%<\/td>\n22%<\/td>\n22%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\u00a0Feels \u201cpeople like me don\u2019t have a chance\u201d<\/td>\n6%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n5%<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
*Source: Monitoring the Future, 1975-2005.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/p>\n

Compared to girls of past decades, girls today are somewhat happier, less likely to feel no good, less likely to feel left out or in need of more friends, happier with a fast-changing society, happier with school and jobs, feeling safer, and more optimistic about the future. And, in case anyone (like Jean Twenge) feels girls are getting too full of themselves, note the heartening declines in the percentages of girls who view themselves positively and assume they are worthy (down to 80%).<\/p>\n

Girls feeling happier, safer, more included, and less alienated must be disastrous news for the girlphobes, because they go to incredible lengths to make them seem more miserable. They also fail to mention that the generally sunnier views of girls themselves are validated by solid outcome measures showing that most of the problems we would expect to be rising and widespread if girls were deeply troubled today are, in fact, declining and rare. And where there are problems, they are often imposed by adults via conditions such as poverty, abusive families, and grownup bullying, not just by mean peers and misogynist media.<\/p>\n

Still, Wiseman and other girl-clique authors are not the worst demonizers of girls; they sometimes present another side, however sparingly. The worst of the worst are the academic profiteers from manufacturing fear. Professors James Garbarino and Deborah Prothrow-Stith represent two troubling sides of academic girl-phobia\u2014in this case, the baseless claim that modern girls are meaner, more violent, and more troubled in every way. See these reviews for more comprehensive, optimistic trends among girls.<\/p>\n

Reviewed by: Mike Males, YouthFacts.org<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence By Rosalind Wiseman (2002) Am I unfair to call commentators who raise concerns about adolescent girls phobic? \u201cI\u2019m not accusing girls of being bad people,\u201d insists Rosalind Wiseman, who, after all, runs a program for girls called Empower, on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-606","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/606","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=606"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/606\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":607,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/606\/revisions\/607"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthfacts.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=606"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}